yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize