my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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