so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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