So drunk its hurt
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Randomize
