What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Well I just put wine in my tea
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
