dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
