I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
