Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
