that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
