It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
