3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
