oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
