well I can't set my house on fire every night
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
