i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
