Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
