omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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