I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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