my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
