i need an iv and a liver transplant
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
