living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
