My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
