im six kinds of drunk right now
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize