You smell like a Billy Joel song
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize
