I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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