I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
