Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
