Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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