Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
