watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
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