i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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