what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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