He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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