If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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