We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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