so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I think I just shit out all my problems.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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