it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
