Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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