Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
