Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize