Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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