I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
