I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Just high enough for therapy.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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