I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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