cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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