My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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