It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
