and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
