i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
