i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
