rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Randomize
