My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
