she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
