apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
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