so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
