Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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