you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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