Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
