told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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