Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
