I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
