why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
