Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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