Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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