I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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