Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
