Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Randomize
