Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Randomize
