the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
honey bunches of taint.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
