Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
