Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
