Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Randomize
