I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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