he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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