Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
