I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
