shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Just pee around me
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
