foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
