can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
