I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
