So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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