I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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