sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
