she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
