Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
