Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
He told me they were just razor bumps!
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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