who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I smell stomach acid.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
