I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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