You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
