I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
