she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
