He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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