I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
