Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Hippo gnu deer
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
