she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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