This is not my ceiling
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Randomize