return my video game
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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