what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
