I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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