I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
