Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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