I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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