There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize